“The Starboard Gunwhale”
The Starboard Gunwhale (a nautical term describing the top edge of the side of a boat pronounced “gunnel”) of a ten foot row boat was crushing my chest while gallons of water began to drown me. My Life did not flash before my eyes like some would think, but thoughts of “You stupid idiot” did.
The beginning of this tragic ending started while traveling “The road to Hell that is paved with Good Intentions” by innocently believing a malicious concept that the “Family who camps together has fun together“ As foundational material for family bonding this idea may not always be the best. I had this male infested fantasy that family leadership had to include a “Daniel Boone” wilderness experience. Never mind the only real camping I experienced was toasting marshmallows over the kitchen stove. Some might be at this point be recalling my “Prisoner Exchange“ Blog. That was not camping but the housing of human bodies in a wooded environment. To take my wife and two young children camping in the great outdoors relying on my providing food, shelter, and safety required something not found in my tool box. Experience! With no experience, no equipment, and no plan, I possessed the perfect prescription for guaranteed entrance to Camping Hell. A place where Idiots go to to validate their stupidity.
I mentioned my pending outdoor foray to friends at work and pleasantly received all sorts of advice and loans of equipment. A ten foot row boat, brand new unused four man tent, assistance in selecting a good camp ground, and the assurance of my best friend to spend the first night with him and his family at his favorite place before sending us on to our own reserved camping site.
The collection of equipment began and I getting excited, started to pump up the family with how great it was going to be. The family car was a 1968 Volvo four door sedan. Not much in storage space so I purchased one of those roof racks, you know the ones with the funny suction cups and straps that hook to the rain gutters, something which cars today no longer have. The wife packed a footlocker with every possible clothing item need and I loaded the boat, ice chest and food locker on the car roof securing them to the newly acquired rack. Gathering the family and BeeBee our English Springer Spaniel dog, we board the camping vessel shouting gleefully “We Be Camping” and venture off to the Wild Wilderness for a week of fun and family bonding.
Wrong, Wrong, Wrong
Ever hear of Rain? Boy did it rain. It started halfway to our first stop where my buddy was all ready set up and waiting for us. Fortunately all I needed to unload that night was the borrowed tent as my friend was providing everything else. Need to clarify something here. The borrowed new tent was in fact a tent sold at discount because of certain defects. That night those defects showed up. The tent leaked like a sieve. The kids were sliding across the tent floor like body surfers at the seashore. A very long night indeed, but we made it through.
The morning brought relief from the rain and after a wonderful breakfast provided by my friend. We packed the tent up and off we went to destination Camp Fun shouting “We Be Camping“. The Camp Fun destination was “Promised Land State Park” high in the Pocono Mountains of Pennsylvania. A beautiful two lake paradise where it always is sunny and bright.
Wrong, Wrong, Wrong
It also rains in the “Promised Land“, and because the name is a reiteration of the promise GOD made to the Jews coming out of Egypt, it came with Thunder and Lightning as added features.
So there we are sitting Indian style (legs crossed) in a tent staring out at the rain which now has reached the 100 year flood stage. In addition to the rain, the thunder and lightning became so intense the kids with the dog joined GOD’s display in an avalanche of weeping, sobbing and howling. Compounding with the hysteria going on we had to be careful not to touch the tent sides which now had streams of water exuding from every seam traveling to the bottom collecting into a Lake Pontchartrain puddle surrounding us not unlike New Orleans during Hurricane Katrina. By now I am particularly focused on the boat on top of the car. Not being one to quit easily I determined myself that I was going to at the very least going to get that boat into the water and sail out on the lake. Couldn’t get any wetter right.
Wrong, Wrong, Wrong
The Thunder and lightning ended and the rain eased to a drizzle giving me the incentive to go launch the boat. Off I went to the car and proceeded to unstrap the tie downs and started to ease the boat off the roof rack. Dang it, I’m always doing this, I forgot to add an important fact. Back when I first put the row boat on the car I had the amazingly bright idea to mount it right side up so I could put more stuff in side thus giving me ample storage space. Now back to the unloading. So there I am easing the boat off the car when a tipping point occurred. Do you have any idea how much forty or fifty gallons of water weigh? Over I go as my feet slip out from under me because of the mud I’m standing on. Down comes the boat slamming me to the ground with all that water turning into a tsunami heading for my mouth.
There comes a time where an assessment of advantages and disadvantages of a project is prudent if one is to survive. Yep, reload the car, grab the wet soggy kids, wife and one really dirty smelly dog and head home whipped, bruised but still alive. As fate would have it those two days were the only days the entire week it rained. Today I’m an avid camper and Dutch Oven cooking guru. Looking back to that first camping experience I just shake my head and laugh. “You Stupid Idiot”
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Steve L. Vernon, Nelson Schroeder. Nelson Schroeder said: Stupidity revisited http://ow.ly/2jt6E [...]
Nelson,
Glad you never gave up on camping.
Your vivid story telling is awesome! I saw the whole experience through your eyes.
The first time I attempted tent camping was with my Brownie Troop. It was quite an experience! Needless to say, we all had a wonderful time & spent many more years camping with the Girl Scouts, the Boy Scouts, and at Rendezvous. Ever stay in a teepee burning green smoky wood with the wind blowing INTO the flaps? Now THAT’S a whole different ball of wax!
Val
Val Wilcox´s last [type] ..Opening Doors Within
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Nelson Reply:
August 1st, 2010 at 11:57 pm
Val you and I seem to have the same foibles in life. That smoke seem to get into everything. Smell good the first day doesn’t it. Not long though it turns to acid and follows you everywhere. You are a true friend in a crowded world. Thanks for cheering me on.
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Nelson,
Too funny!! Sorry to laugh at your expense, but that was a very humorous tale. We must admit we have camped in similar weather with our kids, sans boat, and have lived to tell about it. We even sat around a campfire in a hail storm with tornado warnings (no kids yet).
It sure shows how determined and resilient the human spirit is… and how much we relate spending time living “outdoors” to family bonding
Thanks for the memories…
~ Pat and Lorna
http://TheCoolestCouple.com
Pat and Lorna Shanks´s last [type] ..Adding and Editing Your Public Profile in Gravatarcom 202
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Nelson Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 2:14 pm
Yep, camping is a crap shoot at best. I wouldn’t change a thing. Sorry about the spam folder thing. I’ll be more responsible next time.
Nelson´s last [type] ..Promptings
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Hello Nelson,
Loved your post! It had me cracken up all the way through.
I’m telling you… You have a way about your writing that pulls you right in wanting to keep reading.
I’ll be back for more of your great writing and thoughts
Wishing you all my best!
Camping anyone?
Larry Bilich´s last [type] ..Go To School So You Can Get A Good Paying Job And Live Like A Rat!
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Nelson Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 3:09 pm
Larry, you gotta get a new last name. With tri-focals a quick glance reveals B%&ch to these tried old eyes. Of course I sense a lot of humor in you and as “Anne of Green Gables” would say. I think I have a “Kindred Spirit” here. Please do stop by often the coffee is always on and the Door left open for my “Budds”
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Nelson – I giggled all the way through this! Thanks! I needed that! Anyone who has ever been camping can surely relate! I’m reminded particularly of two camping trips in years past. One was with my parents when I was in high school (a campground in North Carolina on a night that it rained so hard that I ended up sleeping the back seat of the car because my spot in the tent had become a lake, just as you described — my parents were able to remain in the tent and make it through the night on their own respective shores of our little lake.
The other was an overnight camping trip with a friend of mine in New Mexico in November. In spite of predictions of fair weather, we were greeted half-way up the mountain with an unexpected snowfall. Since both of us were too “macho” to even suggest turning around, we ended up camping in several inches of snow and freezing our you-know-whats off during the night. The scene outside the tent in the morning was almost worth it, though — incredibly beautiful virgin snow on the ground and perfect blue skies above the mountain pines. Sometimes stubbornness does pay off!
These are the true joys of life and the moments we remember. Thanks for sharing yours!
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Nelson Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Hi Steve, you got the picture I see. Rain make for memorable camping times doesn’t it. And the snow, there is another blog post in that. I’ll to work on it , it is a dozzie. Hey I really appreciate you commenting. It honors me because I often stop by and read your post and grow because of what you know and give out to the Tribe. Again you are Appreciated.
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[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Steve L. Vernon, Steve L. Vernon. Steve L. Vernon said: “The Starboard Gunwhaleâ€* | My Dirt Nap is on Hold http://dirtnaponhold.com/the-starboard-gunwhale/comment-page-1/#comment-796 [...]
I was going to say – you just got back from camping – so you must have improved through the years:) Great story Nelson – I recall a similar experience I had when I was a small child and my Dad got the same idea:) haha Turned out about the same!
Glyna Humm´s last [type] ..Negativity – What Is It Good For
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Nelson Reply:
August 3rd, 2010 at 5:47 pm
Are you saying I’m like a fine bottle of wine and I’ve matured. I imagine there are similar stories in almost every family. Thankfully most live to tell about them. Thanks Glyna for stopping by. You always brighten my Blog with your presence.
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Great story. I got from this lesson to never give up. Just because you tried one time and it didn’t work, try again…it will work just fine.
Emmie
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Great site. A lot of useful information here. I’m sending it to some friends!
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Nelson Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 2:15 pm
Thanks for stopping in and commenting. Your always welcome.
Nelson´s last [type] ..Promptings
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Keep up the good work, I like your writing.
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Nelson Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 2:16 pm
Your always welcome here and do come back.
Nelson´s last [type] ..Promptings
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he he he! Brilliant! Great stuff! Nelson.
Aidan Gibson´s last [type] ..TSA Tribe Syndication Association Overview
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Nelson Reply:
August 5th, 2010 at 7:39 am
Aidan, thanks for dropping in. Are you a camper also?
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Nelson Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 2:17 pm
Aidan, your comments are appreciated. Thanks for stopping in.
Nelson´s last [type] ..Promptings
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Too funny!
I know now and it reminds me again why I do not go camping!
There are too many elements that go rain on your experience
Thanks Nelson.
Maggie
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Nelson Reply:
August 5th, 2010 at 7:41 am
Come on Maggie, there’s no fun in not camping. I have a relative who thinks that “roughin it is when Room Service is late.” Thanks for commenting and gracing my space.
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Nelson, I laughed so hard I cried. Now that is a great way to start one’s day. Just flipping funny. It reminds me of one of our camping trips from hell.
We join my husbands parents at what was suppose to be a camp ground on Vancouver Island. It turned out to be more like a flee market with camp sites.
Not realizing there was going to be a demolition derby and a flee market early in the morning, we had no idea what we were in store for.
We had this fragile sort of wimpy tent which would have been O.K. for the two nights we were there but it was right by the parking lot for all the wild goings on. Neither one of us really ever slept because the cars were driving by all night long and all morning. It felt at times the cars would drive right through our tent.
There were other details of this adventure that I choosing not to mention here that I was overjoyed that after the second night we had booked ourselves into a bed and breakfast.
Fabulous post, keep them coming!
Faith
Faith Barnard´s last [type] ..Jonathan Budd’s Cool Techy Tip for Getting More Clicks on Your Videos and Creating a Better Brand
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Nelson Reply:
August 10th, 2010 at 2:19 pm
I think Faith that your experience was far worst than mine. Bed and Breakfast, Good move.
Nelson´s last [type] ..Promptings
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Hilarious! Nelson, you sure know how to tell a story! I did a lot of camping as a kid and loved it. But when it rains, for sure is not so much fun at all…. thanks for sharing such a great story and memory!
Lesly´s last [type] ..Okay- Let’s Add-Up the Craziness
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Nelson Reply:
August 7th, 2010 at 5:32 am
That is why memories are GOD’s gift to us. It is nice to not have to repeat some of the events but to just enjoy the fruits of the memories. Thanks Lesly for stopping by, I relish your comments more than you know.
Nelson´s last [type] ..“The Starboard Gunwhale”
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Great story teller you are, Nelson. Felt like I was right there with you.
As a really young kid I went camping, but after spending a night with a rock jutting into my backside, I abandoned the camping idea. Warm showers and a big bed with clean sheets work for me.
Keep writing … your style is captivating!
Darlene Davis´s last [type] ..Branding You- Inc
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Nelson Reply:
August 7th, 2010 at 5:40 am
What’s that saying Darlene. “Roughing it is when Room Service is Late” I understand completely, camping is only for the those who like self infliction pain. Darlene perhaps you are the smarter one here. Thanks so much for commenting and I appreciate you.
Nelson´s last [type] ..“The Starboard Gunwhale”
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Nelson you have the most charming storytelling ability! I could listen to you tell stories all day! Dont you just love how something goes all wrong until we give in and get home and then the rest of the day is sunny? The divine loves a giggle!
Kimberly Castleberry´s last [type] ..31DBBB – Day 8 – Interlink Your Old Blog Posts
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Nelson Reply:
August 7th, 2010 at 5:44 am
Kimberly, how true. GOD does love it when we struggle and then stop and completely rely on HIM. I’m honored to have a person of your statue grace my Blog. Thanks for being you.
Nelson´s last [type] ..“The Starboard Gunwhale”
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Nelson~
What a riot! I can picture your adult children replaying that experience everytime they get together! It will be one they share with their children (probably already so) when it turns into a “when I was a kid”‘s …
I love this internet experience! You are an impressive writer that I wouldn’t have the opportunity to read without it! Keep writing your stories~ they make me smile (or in this case, laugh out loud!)
~Linda
Linda G. Cox´s last [type] ..Keep On Keeping On with Multiple Sclerosis- Walking Update- August 1- 2010
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Nelson Reply:
August 7th, 2010 at 8:45 pm
Linda it give me pleasure to bring a modicum of laughter to you life. I can only pray that I could find joy, peace and laughter if I were in your shoes. Comments from you are a treasure to me, thanks so much for stopping by.
Nelson´s last [type] ..“The Starboard Gunwhale”
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Hi Nelson I’m sold! on not camping that is – you’ve reinforced all my preconceptions – maybe its all those years living in a country where only the most ambitious -deluded- would ever expect more than a couple of days without the dreaded enemy of camping RAIN!
Great blog
Cheers Kiaran from currently sunny Perth via London and LIMERICK!
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Nelson Reply:
August 9th, 2010 at 5:50 am
Kiaran, yes it can be a bummer, however the uncounted hours of delight and wonder at GOD’s creation has been well worth the first introduction to the world of camping. I would not exchange that first attempt at camping for it taught me many valuable lessons. Thanks for stopping by. I hear that camping “Down Under” is fabulous.
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Good
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Nelson Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 6:08 am
I see your a man of few words. Good
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Nelson Reply:
August 12th, 2010 at 6:10 am
Aw Shucks!
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